DEAR ABBY: My wife and I retired five years ago. I have adequate savings and an excellent pension for us to live comfortably.
I took up a hobby three years ago that generates about $5,000 in annual income, which I put aside in a separate bank account. My wife asked, “What are you saving that money for?” I said maybe a classic car, helping with a family reunion (on my side), etc. She responded, “We need to be on the same page about how it gets spent because half of it is mine.”
When I reached out to my son for his insight, he sided with her because (legally) half of what I have is hers. I have no problem consulting with her on a major expenditure coming out of our other savings, but on this one I feel she is controlling and petty. Your thoughts?
HOBBY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR HOBBY: I agree with you. Not only that, but she also lacks tact.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter just informed me that she will be hanging a deer head in their living room. Her live-in boyfriend loves to hunt, and she is doing this for him. Just thinking about it makes me physically ill. My thoughts turn to a dying animal who is suffering.
My husband and I gave my daughter $12,000 to buy this home. I want her to rethink her decision based on the fact that this disturbs me, not that I’m trying to push her around because we gave her this money. I know she will take it personally and be upset at me. Help!
UNEASY IN OREGON
DEAR UNEASY: I think we both know your daughter is an adult and entitled to make that decision without worrying that her fella’s hobby bothers you. We don’t have to like it or approve. Because what’s upsetting you is the idea that the deer suffered, ask your daughter (or him) how many shots it took to take the creature down. If it was more than one, you might be happier entertaining them in your home.
DEAR ABBY: My wife left me a little over two years ago, and I can’t seem to get over it. All she said was that we had an “emotional disconnect.” I don’t believe she was unfaithful.
All I can think about is being with her, and I cringe if I think about her being with someone else. I’m a professional with a good career and pension, and I have been approached by some nice women who would like to date. How can I get over my feelings for my ex?
LONELY IN THE PLAINS
DEAR LONELY: Have you been getting out and participating in leisure activities since your wife left? That would be one way to get your mind off her because sitting around thinking about her is counterproductive.
Your ex should have been more specific about why she left. Understanding would have helped you start to really heal.
Because it has been two years and you haven’t been able to work this out, please talk with a licensed psychotherapist.
Your physician or your health insurance provider can give you the names of qualified professionals. Please don’t wait to ask.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.